It is not an easy task to define oneself. What is important, what is interesting. What i am. I stumble through life, alone at times, with a companion at others. Many things have changed me. Others have left me indifferent. Like with anyone else. Like so many other people, the greatest influence in my life were my parents, and later my sister. Then people i have shared parts of my life path with. Darina and Jitka and now Lucy. Friends, especially long-time, close friends. Ildikó, Kévin (ervin), Alex (lypanov), Maks (SadEagle), Bart (BCoppens). And Mark (marx), Dominika, Marek, Yvette, Saška. And Laco and Gabo from my high school. Anne-Marie and Jonathan Riddell. It is futile to enumerate everyone who did something for me and who i trust.
It appears i don’t even have enemies, of course i have quarrels with people now and then, but i am probably lucky enough to have noone i would actually hate. People make mistakes, and forgiving them is important — just considering how many mistakes i have made in the course of my life (and how many more will i make), i seek forgiveness myself. There is a nice article on compassion, worth a reading, called Compassion and the Individual written by the 14th Dalai Lama.
I believe that one has to learn, learn a lot, in the course of one’s life. Universe puts us into difficult situations, so we can learn (Delenn of Babylon 5 said something to this effect, and i cannot but agree). Through learning, we become more worthy and more useful to others.
As for my profession, i am a software engineer and a computer scientist (i put them in this order, because i mostly live off the former, although i am possibly more inclined to the latter, or to both equally, sometimes it’s hard to tell). Freetime is more complicated, i spend nontrivial amount of it doing one of the above. For the rest, i am with people, or without people, i read or i write, i do nothing or irc or watch moving pictures (Babylon 5 comes to mind) or i walk outside, in the hills and in the forests or in the open. I like to listen to music, both popular (metal, rock) and classical (baroque, romanticism), both at home and on the go. I try to acquire new skills (recorder, russian, foreign languages in general, music theory, whatever comes my mind and catches my attention).
Despite my will to become a good and useful person, i am still mostly useless to everyone, more of a nuisance than help. Possibly related to my unending and unerring laziness. And that’s something to keep in mind when you cross my path of life, because it takes a good and patient soul to be able to stand me. And something for myself to keep in mind, lest i go rampant with my self-esteem and ego again. Do not be deceived, i am not humble, more to the contrary. (You can see how greedy i am, grasping attributes, good and bad and calling them my own with little consideration for others’ feelings).
I will be the first to admit i am mostly impractical. Even if i go out and lie down in a forest or somewhere in grass, i am hardly useful as a pillow. That’s how i am. And selfish, selfish too (another trait i have stolen, see?).
Although on the topic of selfishenss (and selflessness), there needs to be said something. I am starting to believe that they both are in fact one thing, in that in being selfless you are very selfish (because if you help someone, it has direct or undirect benefit for you) — and that is not a bad thing, au contraire. I have often felt guilty for being that way, and that no way i can become selfless, as the society seems to think it is the only right way, or so i have been taught, indirectly. So all things said and done, being selfless is a good thing, and in that being selfish is not a bad thing, since in selflessness, you are, after all, supposed to help people — and that should include you (if for nothing else, because tormenting oneself is a good way to harm others, which goes against the spirit of selflessness and is mostly counterproductive).